I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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