I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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