I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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