i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
