i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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