she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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