I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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