I hate your face
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry about my life...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
