why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
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we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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