i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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