God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
