Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
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Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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