dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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