Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
