This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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