Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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