FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
