dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
