i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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