If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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