watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it was like eating out sand paper
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
