someone threw a dead crab at me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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