I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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