Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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