she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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