I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
