Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
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I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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