I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
