You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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