his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
