I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
