Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
