Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?