frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
