Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
