how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
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Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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