Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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