Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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