Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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