I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
