I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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