Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
