idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
