Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
