Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
