Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
