My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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