please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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