You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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