It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
