i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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