Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.