i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.