Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.