If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
