my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
