Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
