I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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