i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
