i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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