Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
