angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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