thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Your penis caused this!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
