So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
