It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
