Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
