I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
