the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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