So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
