You made me cry and you don't even care
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
