The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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