Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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