Don't make out with my wife yet
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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