also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
