a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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